


Spring's End

by CODE717



Series: Saudade [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 07:31:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12648996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CODE717/pseuds/CODE717
Summary: Before he knew it another spring has come to an end. Blossoms beginning to wither and the heat beginning to rise.





	Spring's End

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bloomingyu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloomingyu/gifts).



“Jihoon… Seongwoo deserves to know.” Jihoon’s mother says as he rubbed the back of her son. 

“I don’t want him to see me like this Mom.” Jihoon says softly as he looked back at his mother. There was a bitter taste left in his mouth as he heaved everything he can on the now dirtied toilet bowl. 

“Jihoon…” His mother calls out to him. She was worried for her son and the choices he was making. 

“It’s for the better…” Jihoon answers. It was for the better. For Seongwoo to have a happier memory of him than his suffering and his struggle to live. It was for the better. 

There was a time in Jihoon’s life that he wanted so much to die. But as he washes his face and looked at the mirror, he curses the universe for giving him the short end of the stick and for dealing him such fate. He cries on the cold tiled floor his head on his knees. He wanted to live. 

His phone rings as he lie awake in bed. _My Angel Seongwoo_. He wipes his tears and calms his breathing. He tries to put up a brave front, checks his voice and smiles.

“Hey.” He says a little cheery than he wanted. 

“Hey. I miss you.” Seongwoo says over the phone. 

“I miss you too.” Jihoon answers in a heartbeat. 

“Can I come over?”

“I’m… I’m really busy.” He lies. He had nothing to do. 

“I could wait at your dorm.”

“I’d be staying over my classmate’s house to work on our project.” There was no more dorm room, no classmate and no project to work on. For a moment he wished there was. He never knew there would come a time he would want homework so badly. 

“When are you free?”

“I’m really sorry Seongwoo.” He breathes. He was, almost each passing minute. 

“It’s fine… I just… I miss you… wanted to see you.” Jihoon misses him too and wanted to see him too. 

“I’m sorry.”, was all Jihoon could say. 

“It’s okay… I get it.” Seongwoo answers. It was not okay Jihoon knew. “Jihoon?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Jihoon tries to steady his voice. “I love you too. I have to go.”

He hangs up before Seongwoo could hear his sobs. It was not okay. It was not fair. He wanted to live.

***

There was a time Jihoon wanted to die and when he finally takes it into his hands, he met him.

Jihoon only needed to take a step forward and leave everything behind. The cold wind stung his cheeks as he balances off the bridge’s railing. Just one more step. If he was lucky his mother might find him in the morning.

All of a sudden he gets pulled back and falls on top of someone. He struggles suddenly realizing his perfect plan had been foiled. The person holds on to him as they sat on the concrete floor. He did not know he was crying until the man, he recognizes, is pulling him closer and telling him that it was okay. It was not okay. He could not end his life. 

He lies in bed still cold and shaking. His mother was not home that night. Tonight had been the perfect opportunity. He looks at his hand as he puts it up against his glow-ups on the ceiling. Then the man held on to it, intertwining their fingers, holding it up in a sea of faded greens and they pulled it down, still locked against each other. Jihoon did not notice his eyes closing and falling into a dreamless sleep. 

What Jihoon did not know was that the person was thinking the very same thing he was, falling off the edge and letting the water engulf him. That it was not a coincidence that he just happened to walk by the bridge. That he was no good Samaritan. That the hand he was holding was the only thing keeping him from running back to the bridge and doing what he intended after much contemplation.

***

When morning came, Jihoon was surprised to find the man still there and though not interlocking, they were still holding each other’s hands.

“Jihoon! Breakfast dear.” His mother has come home. He wakes the man up. 

“My mother is here… expecting me downstairs for breakfast.” It took awhile for the man to get his bearings and his initial reaction was to get out through the window. Jihoon tightens his hold on him. 

“Come with me.” Jihoon says and the man thought he was going to sneak him out only to find himself in the dining room. 

“Jihoon–. I didn’t know you had a friend over.”

“It was unexpected, I needed a place to stay for the night. Jihoon was kind enough to offer. I’m Ong Seongwoo.” Seongwoo says remembering the boy’s name and introducing himself before his mother asks him to. 

“Jihoon, why don’t you get him another bowl of rice and Seongwoo dear why don’t you sit down.” Jihoon’s mother said her voice warm and Seongwoo found it endearing. 

“These are Jihoon’s favorites. I hope you don’t mind.” Seongwoo smiles because he did not mind having grown up to boxes of cereals for breakfast and caffeine now that he was older. Eggs and bacon with toasts and jam were a welcome change. 

“So Seongwoo what are you taking up?” Jihoon’s mother asked as she places another strip of bacon on Seongwoo’s plate. 

“Second year, Political Science, SNU.” Seongwoo answered. 

“Jihoon is a second year too. Biology at SNU. He wants to be a doctor.”

“Mom. He’s my friend. He knows.” Jihoon says as he eats his toast smeared with strawberry jam. 

“Oh dear me. I’m just not used to Jihoon bringing friends over.”

***

“I’ll see you around then.” Seongwoo says as he stood in the front door.

“Yeah.” Jihoon answers curtly and looks up Seongwoo was smiling at him and it felt like the sun.

Jihoon thinks about Seongwoo’s smile as he lies in his bed thinking. _A friend._ He liked the idea. 

Seongwoo thinks that the blush on Jihoon’s cheeks was cute. His smile falls when he realized he had failed. Both of them. 

They both did not know yet that it was only the beginning of many things.

***

Jihoon breathes heavily as he lies in his bed. He could feel it and so he grabs his phone and waits for his voice.

“Jihoon!”

“Seongwoo.” Jihoon said weakly and he fervently wishes that it comes off as sleepy instead. It was pretty late.

“I miss you.” He cannot recall how many times Seongwoo had said it. 

“Can you sing for me?” Jihoon says struggling to get his words out. 

“Are you okay?”

“My throat is just itchy.” He lies and he hopes Seongwoo would buy it. 

“I’ll come over tomorrow. I called your mother, she says you're at home.”

“Hmmm… okay… that would be nice.” Jihoon was slowly drifting off. 

Seongwoo’s voice then began filling his ear. He sang that song about wanting to give someone the galaxies that Jihoon loved.

“I love you.” Jihoon said as the song ended. 

“I love you too.” Jihoon smiles. 

“Bye.” Jihoon says and Seongwoo listens to him breathing. Jihoon must have fallen asleep like he always did. He listens for another minute and hangs up. 

Seongwoo does not hear Jihoon’s mother crying as she watches his son’s life drift away from him.

***

Before he knew it another spring has come to an end. Blossoms beginning to wither and the heat beginning to rise.

Seongwoo lies down on the grass, feels the earth underneath him. Back then, when him and Jihoon wanted to get lost they went here, a hill away from the city and blanketed by the universe above them. If he closes his eyes and listens with his heart, he could hear Jihoon’s laughter telling him the secret of the stars from a distance and when he opens them he could see the galaxies reflected in Jihoon’s eyes and a soft smile he misses so much.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are a product of the author's imagination. Any resemblance of such incidents, places or figures to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and or are used fictitiously.


End file.
